Home...

As I always say -- I love going "home" to Northern California... but --- then ---- I really love coming "HOME" --- to New York....

and my Honey Locust tree blossomed while I was gone...

and - not to be too mushy - my honey (my man) welcomed me with a beautiful white rose... and my Simba and I did some yoga stretches on the fire escape...

and I'm jetlagged....

but still oh so lucky.

Heading home...

The beauty of a good syncing swap?

Getting on the plane of my lovely swappers that takes off at exactly the same gate as the gate that Rosie Posie and Greg arrived at..

and being there to greet 'em!

Massage on a budget?

Golden Island Acupressure Massage...
See Yelp for more perspectives - but here's the thing... you won't find a less expensive place for a massage until you fly to Bali.
So - go - and bring your $20 - and ask for the one hour Acupressure Foot Massage - yes, one hour for $20 - and if you go there between I think 1pm & 3pm, it's $18.99. Please tip. OMG -... and it's not just about the feet - they are working on head, neck, arms, legs AND feet. Don't expect a luxury spa, it's a factory--- but soft lighting, decent music - and in a pinch for some relaxation and light on the purse - check it out. It's far better than the quicky joints in NYC....and did I say $20?

IN THE ASIAN MALL... I went with my friend with the option of turning around and leaving immediately if I picked up an ick vibe... and it passed my inspection.

3288 Pierce St
M268
Richmond, CA 94804

(510) 525-8288

http://www.gimassage.com

Muddy Lake

I was surprised at how treacherous it was at Lake Anza. Water brown and ugly--- the surrounded turf, muddy--- but still walkable and still the sweetest little lake. The ride in Tilden Park alone to get there always fills me up and I have such appreciation for how accessible - quick - easy it is to just zoom on up to that Park. Well, I do remember the days living in Berkeley without a car... and I'll exclude that! Hills! - I had a memory of riding my bike downhill when I first moved to Berkeley - and I think I can say I went about 100 miles an hour down that big hill and remember having no fear. Well, a tiny bit, but I mostly recall the thrill of it...
then..
I got..
older.

wiser.

One Rose

It's not the time of year for the Berkeley Rose Garden...

but it's still so damn pretty up there... with the view of the bay, the tennis court.... and one single rose - and I was going to just speed on by to get up to Lake Anza --- but, yeah, you guessed it... I stopped to smell the rose.

Cross Fit for Real Women!

It just looks like a torture chamber, but it's not - it's a gym or in Cross Fit language - a "box."

Cross my heart and hope to.. live through Cross Fit!, I'm determined this year to strengthen my bones.

Even if that means trying out... Cross Fit. I almost didn't go this class because, well, pure terror and the thought:

Weights, squats and lunges - oh my!
- and NO WAY!

Another reason? Cross Fit isn't for forty & fifty year olds! - I thought.

Besides - I was on vacation in California. Why on earth would I go to a Cross Fit class on vacation?

It was on my mind - nagging me because a wildly enthusiastic seed was planted a while back by Cross Fit Fan of the Year, Louise Rafkin. So, I was in the hood visiting Berkeley, CA - and decided to do a drive by - slowly. I chuckled when Robin, the manager of Cross Fit- Oakland, said that she spent a year doing drive-by's before having the courage to take her first Cross Fit class. She said the reputation is all wrong - it's not just for the already buffed.

Here's a photo of Robin... but, note as you gaze: She - DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THIS WHEN SHE STARTED!

The un-buffed are welcome - but seems one has to really want it. IT meaning strength. Want it bad. If you want it bad enough, you'll fit in.

That's good news because what I don't want - is a 49 year old buff body - I could care less about buff. I want strength. In order to get strength, I have to not be bored with the process toward strength.

Strength training and working with a trainer bores me. I have finally learned to like simply putting on some sneakers and going for a run. I like hopping on a bike or an elliptical or walking, and walking and walking. All easy in comparison. Easy doesn't equal strength, though. Strength training intimidates me.

This class? Challenging - but (insert BIG BUT here) not boring. It was varied, intense and there were short spurts of exertion and little rest periods. Bursts of sprinting, rowing, weightlifting, jump roping, pull up bars, squats, medicine balls and some running. Burst of amazing music and lots of what I like VARIETY. Yikes - but it's just an hour!

Cross fit has been around for 12 years. 12 years! It has it's fanatical reputation - but it is now becoming approachable by average women like myself -- women who know need to modify!

And - it's all about modifying.

Founded by this guy Greg Glassman -2000 in Santa Cruz. He became superfit and committed - and he'd post his workouts on the boards at the gym and began to get copy cats and fans and people wanting what he had. Now, Cross Fit is huge with over 3000 "boxes" around the world. It even has it's own vocabulary! WOD - "workout of the day" and from what I gather each CF instructor adds their own flare and names of different routines.

I remember Louise telling me of her Cross Fit transformation - that she does CF about three times a week and that every part of her body is getting stronger. She looks amazing at 54. Amazing.

Here is Louise with Karen (62). Get this - Karen has been doing Cross Fit for 3 years and, well, as you can see she's strong - and happy. She loves it. Note please - she wasn't always strong. That's the beauty. It was also beautiful to see that she still struggles with squats and other parts of the CF chores, and you know what? She still smiled and did what she could do. Modify!!

That's what it's about. Doing what we can do, but pushing at those times we can push. Knowing the difference.

Okay, so one of the biggest lessons I learned from this particular experience - there was no competition, it was just support of one another. The competition is with oneself. That I can handle. As long as I don't feel judged in a class, and I'm not in the "compare despair" mindset - I'm happy-ish.




For me, I have to like it. There has to be support and community.

Oh, so I lunged and squatted and modified - and, yes, I ached the next day - but I'd drive by again in a minute. Wait, I live in New York. Darn.

I'll pound the pavement here though- determined to find something similar to the Oakland vibe---- and I better plan on quite a few walk by's. It's New York, after all.


---

For any CA gals reading this: It's Crossfit Oakland - http://www.crossfitoakland.com/content/gym-information

Definitely read: Louise Rafkin's recent NYTimes piece about it: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/us/crossfit-oakland.html?_r=1

Ah, love the East Bay

Warm..

Peaceful...

Quiet...

Farleys

So many musical memories of this little place on Portrero Hill. Years back in the days of open mics and musical community --- and it felt good to see the old place. When I'm not falling fast asleep I shall share more of the Farley memories.

Insert here - the long and exciting tale of getting lost in route... if I ever get to writing how much I detest driving in SF - it will be a driver-log monolog long venting tale - but when I finally made it - my bud Meredith had to hear my whines.. when I finally made it.
okay - bottom line: when mapquesting - be sure to put in STREET vs AVENUE - because in SF that can REALLY screw you. Oh, and don't make any left turns because you are never allowed to! Oh, and be ready to have complete heart failure on the hills.

Bottom line? Berkeley.

Enough said.

SF has appeal... but not, NOT, if lost.

Worth it all... just to see Princess May.

Hostess Mostess

Love Cathleen's space.. her grace.. and her little intimate dinner par-tays.


Cozy... warm.. and very Cathleen.



p.s. - note for bay area vegan frozen treat file: Mr. Dewie's Vegan Frozen Dessert made w/ almond milk...
Cathleen's friend brought some for dessert--- I admit, I think of Mr. Dewie and will visit him when in Bay Area.

omg - awesome... I know they sell it at Piedmont Grocery

Campus never gets old

It just never bores me. I ADORE walking that campus and reveling in the memories and sensations from my time there.

Revel.

Walk.

Revel.

The eucalyptus grove. Lounging in the sunshine on the grass in front of The Last Dryad. Walking around The J School and up Euclid to see what restaurants opened or closed. Wandering the Campanile path and looking up at it in awe of it's sturdy, solid embrace.

Remembering the many walks at night after a long day of study halls and classes. The shuttle to bring me part way up my long hill home. The grass that held me as I lounged in between classes. I can go on and on but my fatigue at the moment prevents that.

It just doesn't get old.

Go Bears.

Lake Merritt Run

Here's the thing - as Dorothy Parker says about writing. "I hate writing, but I like having written" - it's the same thing with blogging - like right now, I'm far too tired to blog - but when I look back at this thing, it will make me smile with remembrance. Oh, so I also bring up this idea of hating & loving - because right before I run - there is a sort of dread, but when it's done no matter what I set out to do, when the run is done...
it
feels good. ---- So - I can say "I hate running but I like having run."

So I parked the car on Beacon Street (only I would get such a thrill for such a thing) - because at the very same time - house swappers Rose & Greg were being toured around by my man in our little Beacon small town USA - and here I am over by Lake Merritt, parking on Beacon Street). You see, I told you only I would get such a kick out of that. Sigh.

Okay, so this run was way cool. I so like Lake Merritt with it's diverse people that have meat on their bones (unlike Un-Central Park) - and dog walkers and room to move... it's a manageable loop with very few options other than - around - 3 miles - done. Just really nice.

Land's End

The prettiest place to hike ---- in all of SF.... it's truly spectacular. Rocky, exposed bluffs. Cypress trees on top of it all. Dramatic ... and on top of it all (literally) a labyrinth. Whenever I say, Ah, I'll skip it this time - I remind myself.. no, no, never.

sfmoma

The reason I like the whole SFMoma thing is that it was a place I frequented when I worked at The Chronicle. I loved the view from Yerba Buena - hardly a work day would go by without a walk around those gardens.

Highlights for me at the museum:

Dutch artist Rineke Dijkstra - awesome photographer. Portraits. Through time. The most striking were the mothers who just gave birth, shocking, almost violent. Soldiers, adolescents. Dijkstra is obsessed with people in different stages of their lives -TRANSITIONS. All large scale photographs. Oh, and even more amazing are the video installations - uninhibited dancing.

Jim Campell: in the lobby a flickering grid of light that is like a sculpture and like watching a moving image. Thousands of LED show shadowlike figures and cars that dissolve and reappear.

On the second floor there is another piece of his: A clock - sheer - sideways and one can see themselves in it but there is a 5 second delay and it's a experiment in being in the moment.

High highlight - hanging with Kendra and Scott for the members party....

Turkey on Tennessee Valley Road

I love seeing things I don't see in Manhattan. Pausing. I was hiking with a friend, Carol, and she hikes this trail often --- and it was just another turkey to her.

Here I am talking turkey - but it's just one of those things I like to capture. It was so beautiful - peacock colors and a grace. It's beak was moving frantically in pursuit of what looked like air, but it was seeking something. I couldn't help but think of the flight it would have to take if being chased by a knife to cut off it's head. It was so nice to see it running free along Tennessee Valley Road... and reinforces ... my decision to eat a veggie burger vs turkey burger. Why must we kill these lovely creatures? I feel the same way when I look at cows, pigs - fish. I must be vegan.. Oh, that's right, I am.

So I'll stay away from that vein - and just say that it was a beautiful new Tennessee Valley road for me to discover. We didn't quite make it to the beach because darkness was descending - but it was a healthy teaser for another Marin County day.

Oh, and the highlight of Marin ----- LOVED stopping by my lovely friend's Tyra and Bill's house and visiting in the afternoon in route home from the retreat. Tyra is a Chi Gong teacher and ex-Chronicle pal -and a sweet smiling soul and our visits are always robust with meaningful conversation.

W.i.s.d.o.m.s. and l.i.s.t.e.n.i.n.g.s from the Thresholds of the annual gathering

"I will be your standing stone, I will stand by you."

A song we all sang at the direction of Melanie DeMore - the writer of our most beautiful Threshold Choir song - "I'm sending you light."

We sang it over and over and over and over.. and we stood with our feet planted deep in the earth and we sang it - strongly for ourselves and for the many people we have sung for... and will sing for. Melanie circled the room and made deep eye contact with us all - as she sang and I looked around at these amazing women, strong, singing - and I looked at them all in the eyes as well and I felt more and more strength. We are powerhouses.

It surely strengthens us as a group and as individuals.

"I will be your standing stone, I will stand by you."

This gathering is so meant to be experienced because when I attempt to put into words the essence of it all, I fail. Oh, and side note here - the website is new and beautiful and functional and (still a work in progress) - but it's something to be proud of - and the web team worked so very hard and continue to : http://www.thresholdchoir.org/

So, getting back to the idea of attempting to capture this beautiful retreat in words or images - it's nearly impossible. Like describing a dream. Not even song can capture it... it's just meant to be experienced.

Hanging out with close to 100 warm, lovely, spirited, singing women and laughing and crying and learning.

However, because I continue to stumble with the written word, for the sake of my own memory, I'm putting in little loving bullets of some of my learnings and listenings and epiphanies.

• Love letters - from a workshop called "Singing as a spiritual practice" someone shared how she is leaving love letters for her grandchildren and not only that she is putting together a box of classics - and books that moved her and leaving them tucked away somewhere. What moved me the most, is the idea of the love letters -and I already began writing mine. To send now, and to save for later.... beyond my days here.
• book: Start The Conversation
• book: Blessing Bridge by Rita Reynolds
• book: Final Passages. Creating Home Funerals
  
• Ethical Will - spend time thinking about what ethics we want to leave behind - it is far more valuable than money and stuff. Is there a lesson we learned about forgiveness, patience, being present? Fill in the blank.
  
• Releasing ourselves from the girdle of life. No more holding back. The idea of wearing a girdle is the perfect image. Unsnap that girdle girls!
  
• Zoe the dog story: a woman shares of her dog Zoe who is a mute dog that just makes her "be" - teaches her the beauty of silence.
• Story about Elizabeth Kubler Ross learning all of her profound lessons from her woman janitor.
  
• "In the clearing at the center changes everything."
• Singing as a spiritual practice is a calling. It's a calling.
  
• "Living inquiry"
• Research the organization called "Enough to Love"
• Acutonics: it's a system of vibrational sound healing using tuning forks and gongs tuned to the planets, Tibetan bowls, bells, drums and rattles. All about harmonic attunement for the body, mind and soul. I had a 20 minute session - after a massage and it's was a.m.a.z.i.n.g. - quoting the practitioner - "our bodies have different frequencies so it's like an entire orchestra in our body."
  
• A woman who told the story about singing at executions at San Quentin - think about it. Geez - it doesn't get any more generous than that.
  
• Song lyric "put everything in order as the day begins to break."
  
• Kate was her usual amazing self -- and always engaged us all at the meals with questions about what workshops were amazing, etc. One etc is when she asks us all to stand up and fill in the blank: "I am ______" - (note, it's not "I do _____) it's "I am _______" and we see how many healers, nurses, teachers - there are.. and beyond that - we hear: I am a gardener, I am a potter, I am an artist, I am a writer, I am a yogini, I am a runner, I am childfree, I am a woman, I am free, I am here, I am in love. It's so rich and affirmative to stand up and state the truth.
  
• "Letting go?" - nah - how about we say "Letting be."
  
• Why are we singing at bedsides. It's not so much for those we are singing for as it is for us.
  
• "May we be consoled in a secret symmetry with ourselves..." from a poem by John O'Donohue
  
• Workshop with Rev. Suzanne of Santa Cruz - a chaplain who sat with over 150 people in their dying moment. Her wisdom shined through her eyes. Some tidbits from her workshop: "we need to move closer to our own grief, so we can be with the grief of others." "we are all wounded healers." "our vulnerability is our path toward strength."' "Our worlds are transformed by loss and grief." "make channels for your grief." "at the bottom of the well of grief is a well of hope and one has to draw on the waters of grief before they can tap fully into that joy." "write a deathography - meaning a history of how death has touched you." "grief is an expression of love." "fine a way to accommodate the way things are."
  
• Anticipatory grief. Ah, there is a name for what I have sometimes!
  
• movies to see: Beginners. Ponette

On a personal note. I remember last year feeling so strongly that I'd fly my Mom here to be embraced by this community - to witness the richness of this. My Mom is such a singer - at heart. Even though her singing was done while she stirred the spaghetti or when she was setting the table. Peter, Paul and Mary - "leaving on a jetplane", "I went down to the river to pray" and 49 Happy Birthdays (and multiply yearly happy birthday songs by 5 kids). She sings and sings beautifully and I felt so strongly last year that she needed to be here and an official member of TC- and even though I knew it would be a wheelchair production very likely - I was determined.

Well, it has not been the best of years for Peggy. She can't even get out the door for church or a visit to her sister or for the mail comfortably. It saddens me so. The pain in her body is too strong and she doesn't deserve such pain... she just doesn't. What comforts me more is knowing I'll be with her this coming Mother's Day - and I'll bask in the warmth of the sands of Cocoa Beach and, most importantly the warmth of my Momma.. and even more importantly.. bring to her the warmth she so deserves.

What comforts me though is that I still sang to her.. from afar -- and for her. A fellow member was walking by while I was on the phone with my Mom and I called her over -- and we sand... "I will be your standing stone, I will stand by you" -- and I was grateful for the joining of our voices.. as mine was cracking.

Being here shines light on what truly matters..

So when we singers tonight stood together and sang that one song, over and over and over and over, I sang it to myself and to my Mom - who brought me into this world. It will be me and my sisters who will stand by my Mom - we will stand by her.

"I will be your standing stone, I will stand by you."

A year wiser...

More will come here.. but it's just unnatural to have this computer up here in cricket and frog land during this singing retreat. I'm taking a little break from blog land for the birthday- but I will say...

Having close to 100 women sing me a beautiful homegrown birthday song... in this setting... is just sweeter than sweet.. I love that I gifted myself with this experience. Nothing better.

Well... having my man send me a voice recording of him singing softly tops it all..






I just will say.... blessings on top of blessings... in this life of mine.

B.i.r.t.h.d.a.y.

Doggy dreams

In my slight dreams of future dog ownership--- What I know for sure?

I'm waiting.. not rushing into anything... and I'm sooooo dog sitting first.

But this pooch today was soo ugly and so cute.

Just a few thoughts... noooo doggy shopping-- just browsing.

Simba, no worries.... I'm all yours.

Sit, Stay, Sleep... & Miss K

I dig Kendra.

It's just so easy to hang with her - and so welcoming - and so homey. Well, it's different, I found, when she has a house filled with dogs of all breeds and such.

Slight chaos.. but the love in her home soooo trumps the doggy chaos.

There's is always lemon water.. from her lemon tree - but today she had for me a juice that was rockin' - with:

beets, carrots, red apple, green apple, celery, lime & ginger. Worth repeating.

I just dig Kendra and our visits and chats and catch ups.

Uphill climb

There's never a visit to Berkeley that I don't go to the unique hilltop above it all - and after a long hike up from Vine - and through the hidden stairways and floral passageways - I come upon my old place.

I see the same mailman. I see the rinky dinky elevator that carried me up with my books at the end of a school day, my packages at the end of a shop and my tired body after a long walk home.

As I age, the beauty of where I lived gets richer and more amazing.

How lucky was I? Just how lucky was I to live in this million dollar home filled with a zany professor and his artist wife. How this helped shape me... and the adventures of it all... and carved in my heart forever.

So, yes, I'll never, ever, visit Berkeley without my ceremonious walk upward.