"I will be your standing stone, I will stand by you."
A song we all sang at the direction of Melanie DeMore - the writer of our most beautiful Threshold Choir song - "I'm sending you light."
We sang it over and over and over and over.. and we stood with our feet planted deep in the earth and we sang it - strongly for ourselves and for the many people we have sung for... and will sing for. Melanie circled the room and made deep eye contact with us all - as she sang and I looked around at these amazing women, strong, singing - and I looked at them all in the eyes as well and I felt more and more strength. We are powerhouses.
It surely strengthens us as a group and as individuals.
"I will be your standing stone, I will stand by you."
This gathering is so meant to be experienced because when I attempt to put into words the essence of it all, I fail. Oh, and side note here - the website is new and beautiful and functional and (still a work in progress) - but it's something to be proud of - and the web team worked so very hard and continue to : http://www.thresholdchoir.org/
So, getting back to the idea of attempting to capture this beautiful retreat in words or images - it's nearly impossible. Like describing a dream. Not even song can capture it... it's just meant to be experienced.
Hanging out with close to 100 warm, lovely, spirited, singing women and laughing and crying and learning.
However, because I continue to stumble with the written word, for the sake of my own memory, I'm putting in little loving bullets of some of my learnings and listenings and epiphanies.
- Love letters - from a workshop called "Singing as a spiritual practice" someone shared how she is leaving love letters for her grandchildren and not only that she is putting together a box of classics - and books that moved her and leaving them tucked away somewhere. What moved me the most, is the idea of the love letters -and I already began writing mine. To send now, and to save for later.... beyond my days here.
- book: Start The Conversation
- book: Blessing Bridge by Rita Reynolds
- book: Final Passages. Creating Home Funerals
- Ethical Will - spend time thinking about what ethics we want to leave behind - it is far more valuable than money and stuff. Is there a lesson we learned about forgiveness, patience, being present? Fill in the blank.
- Releasing ourselves from the girdle of life. No more holding back. The idea of wearing a girdle is the perfect image. Unsnap that girdle girls!
- Zoe the dog story: a woman shares of her dog Zoe who is a mute dog that just makes her "be" - teaches her the beauty of silence.
- Story about Elizabeth Kubler Ross learning all of her profound lessons from her woman janitor.
- "In the clearing at the center changes everything."
- Singing as a spiritual practice is a calling. It's a calling.
- "Living inquiry"
- Research the organization called "Enough to Love"
- Acutonics: it's a system of vibrational sound healing using tuning forks and gongs tuned to the planets, Tibetan bowls, bells, drums and rattles. All about harmonic attunement for the body, mind and soul. I had a 20 minute session - after a massage and it's was a.m.a.z.i.n.g. - quoting the practitioner - "our bodies have different frequencies so it's like an entire orchestra in our body."
- A woman who told the story about singing at executions at San Quentin - think about it. Geez - it doesn't get any more generous than that.
- Song lyric "put everything in order as the day begins to break."
- Kate was her usual amazing self -- and always engaged us all at the meals with questions about what workshops were amazing, etc. One etc is when she asks us all to stand up and fill in the blank: "I am ______" - (note, it's not "I do _____) it's "I am _______" and we see how many healers, nurses, teachers - there are.. and beyond that - we hear: I am a gardener, I am a potter, I am an artist, I am a writer, I am a yogini, I am a runner, I am childfree, I am a woman, I am free, I am here, I am in love. It's so rich and affirmative to stand up and state the truth.
- "Letting go?" - nah - how about we say "Letting be."
- Why are we singing at bedsides. It's not so much for those we are singing for as it is for us.
- "May we be consoled in a secret symmetry with ourselves..." from a poem by John O'Donohue
- Workshop with Rev. Suzanne of Santa Cruz - a chaplain who sat with over 150 people in their dying moment. Her wisdom shined through her eyes. Some tidbits from her workshop: "we need to move closer to our own grief, so we can be with the grief of others." "we are all wounded healers." "our vulnerability is our path toward strength."' "Our worlds are transformed by loss and grief." "make channels for your grief." "at the bottom of the well of grief is a well of hope and one has to draw on the waters of grief before they can tap fully into that joy." "write a deathography - meaning a history of how death has touched you." "grief is an expression of love." "fine a way to accommodate the way things are."
- Anticipatory grief. Ah, there is a name for what I have sometimes!
- movies to see: Beginners. Ponette
Well, it has not been the best of years for Peggy. She can't even get out the door for church or a visit to her sister or for the mail comfortably. It saddens me so. The pain in her body is too strong and she doesn't deserve such pain... she just doesn't. What comforts me more is knowing I'll be with her this coming Mother's Day - and I'll bask in the warmth of the sands of Cocoa Beach and, most importantly the warmth of my Momma.. and even more importantly.. bring to her the warmth she so deserves.
What comforts me though is that I still sang to her.. from afar -- and for her. A fellow member was walking by while I was on the phone with my Mom and I called her over -- and we sand... "I will be your standing stone, I will stand by you" -- and I was grateful for the joining of our voices.. as mine was cracking.
Being here shines light on what truly matters..
So when we singers tonight stood together and sang that one song, over and over and over and over, I sang it to myself and to my Mom - who brought me into this world. It will be me and my sisters who will stand by my Mom - we will stand by her.
"I will be your standing stone, I will stand by you."
